The Noise in Our Minds

By Bruce Goldfaden

Listen. Listen. What is this? So new to me. Stillness? Quiet? Peace? Yes. There’s all that. Wow. Stillness. Quiet. Peace. In me? I can’t believe it. A new horizon. But, how long will I allow it? Can I have more? Stillness. Quiet. Peace. More. I want more. I can really begin to like this…but…for how long? How long will I allow myself this treat? This treasure...before the other part of my mind questions me, criticizes me, harasses me into the normal routine of the noise. Get back to work. Oh, the noise in our minds. The familiar. The everyday sound. The everyday drumbeat. Man, what a loser she was to me yesterday...I cannot believe that she said I needed to make things happen quicker. Quicker? Has she watched the news lately? “Pick things up.” Pick things up? What? I didn't create the uncertainty, the word of the moment, the word of the day, the word of the year, the go-to word for CEOs with the other word, "tariffs." You'd think we had only two words in business now, “uncertainty” and “tariffs.”...What happened to the stillness, quiet, peace? What the fuck, man? Every day, the calls I have to make, and the call log I have to show her, and the notes about the calls and the follow-up. HAS SHE TRIED TO SELL A $25,000 PRODUCT NOW? No, she looks at her laptop a few hours and goes to lunch a few hours and comes back and, man, did you hear what she said to the new guy? “Ron, when we hired you, we knew you didn't have the sales experience we were looking for, but you convinced us you had the technique. Well, why don't you use the technique on generating a few sales? Whatta you say?”...How embarrassing for him. And for her? We all know who she is. And she only reinforced it. How pathetic. She thinks she's so cool, such a leader. She's not a leader. Leaders don't speak to their people the way she speaks to us, which she learned from Barry, the other piece of work in the sales org. Oh man, my head hurts, and it's only 7:45. Be here at 7? Are you whacked? No one we need to talk to is in their office by 7...I'm going to the roof. Thank goodness they let us go up there when the execs are out of town….The wind in my face. The sun. The clouds. The air we breathe. Why can't we all breathe the same air, you know, metaphorically speaking, of stillness, quiet, peace? I have no idea where those words came from when I woke up this morning. I didn't read anything last night that could have triggered them. I only watched the Astros. And, went to bed thinking about her, the boss, and thank goodness I fell asleep quickly. The boss faded fast...Huh? I love it. The boss faded fast. I'm going to write a song, The Boss Faded Fast. Let's see. How should it begin? “Oh, she can be so cruel. With words that duel. Only to her team. When we run out of steam. But I found the roof, and I caught my breath. Let the wind erase the rest. And, in that sky so wide and vast, the boss faded fast.” ...The boss and Barry. Man, you'd think Barry was the Buddha or something the way she quotes him. “Sales overall is about doing the work.” You know if I hear one more person say "doing the work" I'm going to...I have no idea what I’d do. But, what does "doing the work" even mean? I do the work every day. I've read all the sales books, and they're such bullshit. If they say no, it’s not always me. Sometimes it's them. Sometimes it’s timing. Sometimes it’s Tuesday. And sometimes?  Sometimes they just don’t want your stuff. Period…What the fuck?...Calm down, Ashley. Calm down. You came up here to calm down not to let them burrow deeper into your brain. Oh, shit. That’s a scary thought: burrow? Does that mean make a hole in my brain? Is there a hole in my brain that I let them dig and live in? Oh no. Please, say no. They’re living in a hole in my brain I let them dig inside of my head, and now they’re going deeper? Oh, shit, my heart. It’s beating so fast. What the fuck? My heart. Am I OK? Fuck. What the fuck? It’s getting faster…faster. Breathe, Ashley…breathe…just like in yoga. In through your nose and out through your nose. You’re stronger than this. Than them. No one dug a hole in your brain. No one is living in a hole in your brain…feel the sun, the air, the wind. The reason you came up here. There it is. Oh, nice…the breeze…oh…when I close my eyes and breathe…so nice…my heart is slowing down…thank goodness…“When I find myself in times of trouble…” Breathe…Am I OK?...I’m…OK. What a simple breathing routine: in through your nose and out through your nose. When you’re anxious, it really works.

Bruce Goldfaden is the founder of the decency action network and LSV Communications. He is the author of The Man of Many Colors, a parable about recognizing one's individual value to recognize this value in others to live by the Golden Rule, the appropriate code of conduct. The Man of Many Colors is available on amazon.com.

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