Why Do We Love Hate?
- Bruce Goldfaden
- Apr 2
- 4 min read
Updated: Apr 4
By Bruce Goldfaden
What emotional charge do we get—have we gotten—by holding onto hate? Did you know that hate keeps you revved up? Like stress. Because hate is a form of stress. Hate can stimulate your nervous system and, because we look for confirmation of our opinions, you may encounter hate at least a few times per week. Maybe on the news. Don’t some news stories seem designed to provoke hyperarousal and reinforce hate, all while keeping us glued to the screen? So, when those feelings are reinforced, what do you do to prevent criminal behavior? How do you calm down? Or, do you stay revved up until you go to sleep and forget about your hate? But, you can’t forget about your hate while sleeping. The hate is still in there. Hate keeps you wired for war even when you think your army is at rest. Even so, there will be times when you must deploy your emotional army: firing off judgment, resentment, sarcasm, dismissal. And all justified. By you.
So, have you ever asked yourself? Where does my hate come from? Have you stopped for, let’s say, 30 seconds, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…15, 16, 17, 18, 19…26, 27, 28, 29, 30, and asked yourself, “Why do I hate ___? What has ___ done to me, in the worst kind of way, that has caused me to hate ___? Have you tried to see the other point of view? If not, why not? Has no one asked you or anyone in your group of haters why you hate? Have you asked the group? Why do we hate ___? What is the real, legitimate, honest reason we hate ___? Once you have the answer, would you share your answer with all of us? We’d really like to know. I know I would. How can something or someone with whom you’ve had next to zero experience—other than in your mind—cause such overwhelming feelings of hate? Now’s your opportunity. Let’s examine your hate. But, if you don’t have the courage to stand up to your group of haters and ask them, here’s another idea: Stand in front of a mirror right now, and ask yourself, “Why do I hate ___?” Do you have the courage to do this exercise alone, and let us know the answer? But, most important, don’t you want to know? Why do I love hate?
Did you come up with an answer? Did your hate come from your own thoughts or did someone teach you to hate? If someone taught you to hate, from whom did they learn to hate? So, maybe, the first step, if you’re interested in knowing the source of your hate, is understanding the source of the hate in the person who taught you to hate. I think this would be a logical first step. Simply ask, “Why do you hate ___? Do you have the courage to do this? Not for me. For yourself. Aren’t you the least bit curious? Don’t you want to know why someone manipulated you to hate? They used you to further their view of the world. Yes, they used you. Do you like being used for another person’s purpose of hate? Was that right of them to reinforce their point of view in you? Because they never examined their hate, they blindly led you down the hate path. But, you’re an adult now. You don’t have to blindly follow a parent’s or caregiver’s ideas simply because that's what you were taught. You can change your mind, can't you? Why do I love hate?
But, what if you paid to be taught to hate? If you recently graduated from college or university, or are about to, and you’re still in the glow of the professors who taught you to hate, have you ever thought how they used you? They likely taught you to hate the United States; ironically, the very country that gives them the freedom to teach hate without fear of punishment. I wonder how many other countries would allow professors to do this? And, the college or university that made you pay for the privilege of being used by their professors? They're full of hate also. Otherwise, why would they pay professors to teach hate? And, I bet they also taught you to hate Israel. I mean Israel and the US certainly are worthy of hate. Who wants to live in countries in which there is economic and social and religious freedom and every available resource known to the world to advance one’s status? Your institution of higher learning used you, and how much money—how much student debt—do you owe them for this privilege of filling you with hate? And, how many years will you be paying for their work on you? You were duped into a system of hate, pure and simple. And you accepted their ideas. Why? Why do I love hate?
Hate feels so good.
Hate makes me feel so good, man.
I love hate.
I don’t have to understand my hate.
I don’t have to examine my thought processes,
my emotional viewpoint,
my burning feelings.
I’m fine.
The person or people I hate—
they’re the problem.
Not me.
I love hate.
Circulating all through me.
In my mind
and eyes
and ears
and nose
and mouth
and neck
and chest
and belly
and arms
and legs.
Swirling in there.
All around and around.
I love hate.
Bruce Goldfaden is the founder of the decency action network and LSV Communications. He is the author of The Man of Many Colors, a parable about recognizing one's individual value to recognize this value in others to live by the Golden Rule, the appropriate code of conduct. The Man of Many Colors is available on amazon.com.
Copyright © 2025 Bruce Goldfaden and decency action network. All rights reserved. No part of this essay may be reproduced or redistributed in any form or by any means—except through sharing via a link to this web page or for brief quotations in a review—without the express written permission of Bruce Goldfaden and decency action network.
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